All emo today...

This was originally going to be an angry, drama-filled post. But sitting on a rock on the Tower trail at Sleeping Giant State Park listening to Miles Davis, I realized two things. First of all, angry drama serves no purpose. (I should know this, I've been friends with Thom for about 20 years.) Second of all, there's no reason for me to be all emo, since I should be looking at the good things that have come out of the last two months. So:

Carolyn: Thank you for giving me the courage and the excuse to finally take my life by the reins and stop living for everyone else. The month that we were together was wonderful, even if it ended the way it did. I'm sorry that I turned out to not be what you thought I should be, but that goes both ways. Hopefully, if nothing else, I can take some lessons from our relationship, and I certainly don't regret any of it in the slightest.

Jennifer: Thank you for continuing to be an amazing friend to have, even when I do stupid things to jeopardize our friendship. I am glad to know you, and glad that you are my friend, and thanks for all of the support that you've given me the last few weeks.

Erica: Thanks for putting me up, and putting up with me. I value your friendship because you're not afraid to tell me what I have to hear, even when I don't want to hear it, and because you're just a blast to be around, even when I'm stumbling around and falling over couches.

Thom: You're my boy. 'Nuff said.

Laurene: Even though you probably won't ever read this, it needs to be said. Thank you for 14 years. Even though we ended poorly, and even though I couldn't be what you wanted me to be, I still love you, and always will. Unfortunately, not the way you want to be loved, and not the way I want to love someone either, but nothing will change the time we had together. I can only hope that we can get to a level where we can communicate well so that Laura will be well taken care of.

Jill, Richard, Lara, Renard: Thanks for all of your advice, support, and putting up with my whiny emo self. You guys are awesome.

To anyone else reading this: If you know (or are) a 28-35 year old woman who doesn't mind geekyness and a guy with a kid, please, by all means, get in touch.

Hey, an update.

Sunday morning at the video store and I don't feel like doing any work, so here's some randomness.

Belated birthday greetings to Jen Falasco, who I got good and drunk with last night at the Old Dublin in Wallyworld. A good time was had by all, and a more coherent reading of what happened last night may be found on Erica's journal. I do know that I drank 2 Guinnesses and 2 Captain and Cokes in about 45 minutes(and that the Cap and Cokes were mostly Captain) and followed that up with two, maybe three Newcastles before we finally left. I also apparently accused Thom of being shallow, which, frankly, I can't back up. (I also did something that could be construed as bad, but we won't talk about that.) On the way home, Erica bought me a Gatorade, and as of now, no hangover. So thanks, Erica. No more falling over couches for me today, anyway.

Attempted guilt from my soon-to-be-ex-wife last night as well. Yesterday was Laura's family birthday party, and I (obviously) was persona non grata. About 10 P.M., just as I was tucking into the second round of Guinness and rum and cokes, the cellphone rings, and she starts giving me shit about how everyone had a good time, and it's too bad you weren't there, and it's too bad you've abandoned your daughter. I did my best to be civil, though if she'd caught me after the second round of Guinness and Rum, probably would have been a different story. So two weeks of civility, probably out the window.

Just spent 25 minutes educating a customer in the joys of video piracy, so that he can copy porn.(Never mind that the Internet is for pr0n.)

Royal Rumble tonight - the boys are coming over to watch, and it should be at least somewhat entertaining. No comedy entrants to the Rumble that I know of, but we get the Boogeyman versus JBL, so that should provide some unintentional comedy.

It's been a strange week. Hopefully next week will be better.

So, an update.

It's been a little over two weeks now since I left the house. Mainly I've been working and sleeping, what with being in the midst of inventory at Saks. (As opposed to my normal 6 AM to 3 PM schedule, it's all night work.)

Things are okay with Laurene, I guess, as much as they can be. Our conversations range from completely civil, as was the case last night, to "You ruined my life" guilt. (I understand that completely, so it's not as big a deal as it might be.) In a few minutes, I will get to see Laura for only the second time since I left. Hopefully that will go well. I've talked to her a few times on the phone, as much as you can talk to a three-year old, anyway. My one hope is that when she's older, she can understand why I did what I did, and will forgive me for it.

Things with Carolyn are going as well as they can, and I'm at peace with my situation, as fucked up as it is.

Once I get my wireless router up, I'll probably go back to updating more regularly. I have a review waiting on my home computer to go up(I'm posting at my parents' house) and there are other things to talk about(such as the transitional championship of Edge.)

So, yeah, uh, Happy New Year, and stuff...

I am officially out of house. For the last couple of months(and probably realistically for longer than that), I've been quietly drifting away from Laurene(the reasons are mostly financial and intimacy-related), and I met someone else. For a while, it seemed like nothing was going to happen between me and Carolyn, but then it just became a freight train.

Big fight Monday night, which led to me being backed into a corner, which led to me telling them about Carolyn, which led to me being kicked out on my ass.

Everyone's mad at me, which, frankly, makes perfect sense, since I've made a horrific mess of things.

In time, everything will calm down, but right now, Thom and Erica, my friends who have both gone through this(and Carolyn, of course), are about the only people who're talking to me.

I've been called a bum, selfish, a bad person, and I'm willing to accept all of those things because everyone who's saying these things can't understand the situation that I'm in. Funny thing is, the people who've had divorce in their lives are the ones who understand where I'm at, and why I'm doing this, and are being rational about all of this.

Laurene has let me see Laura, which is very nice of her, things being what they are, but obviously, it's going to be tough.

In time, when emotion subsides a little, I think people will be better about this, but right now, it's a bit raw.